Sept. 1, 2012, 12:20am
Why do I feel so unloved with my partner? Why does my partner not feel I love them?
I
once thought that everyone loves and understands love and expresses love the
same ... but that was when I was little. Very early on in my observations and
readings over the years growing up, I have learned that there are as many ways
and kinds of love as there are people.
We
all speak a different love language. There are five main languages I have
learned: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and
Gift Giving. I just put those in my own order of preference since we all like
to be shown love in all five ways, but tend to have a favorite preference to
them.
Physical Touch
Physical
touch is simply that, a handshake, pat on the back, a hug, kiss, cuddling, etc.
Anything that counts as positive physical contact between one or more people.
For some of us we need at least one hug a day to help our love meter remain at
a comfortable level. Others need little touches throughout the day. Some need
many hugs or other varying degrees or amounts of this kind of display of
affection.
Words of Affirmation
Usually
this means your partner needs plenty of compliments or nice things said about
them in order to feel loved. Many women only need to be told they are beautiful
on a regular basis to fill their love tank. Though when giving such nice words
you must always mean what you say to reach the desired effect of your love
communication. Guys in general are happy with being told they are strong,
handsome, trustworthy, honorable, courageous, etc. There are so many words and
ways to say you love someone. You only need to find out which ones work best
for the ones you care about most or those who’s love tanks you’d like to give a
boost to.
Quality Time
This
one can be anything from sitting in the same room with who you want to share
your affections with to long chats or walks. Some of the most remembered quality time comes
from going on some wild trip, vacation, or adventure together. You can spend
five minutes or five hours with someone, but for it to be of any quality it
must be something you each agree feels valuable or appreciated.
Acts of Service
This
one is shown when one does the dishes for the other ... when they don’t have
to; or picking up their socks off the floor, holding the lady’s books for her,
opening the door for someone, or any other little thing to help out. The hard
part is finding out which people can appreciate such acts of kindness and who
is repelled by them. It can take some practice if you are attempting to show
affection to those you don’t know so well. Your partner may feel loved if you
make the bed or it may take something like cleaning out a car for them, picking
up the dry cleaning, or as big as performing a large helpful favor for them. As
with everything, to find out what acts will be appreciated takes talking about it,
and some close observation.
Gift Giving
This
language I am sure we all understand. Could be a teddy bear, a car or anything
in between. Finding the appropriate gift to give someone you love can be simple
if they always are telling you what kinds of things they like. Not all announce
such things though, so it wouldn’t hurt to ask or to comment on things you like
in hopes your partner will also share their own preferences. As with all
things, love meters come in all shapes and sizes and even more ways to fill
them. Communication and paying attention to your loved ones will give you the
right ideas of how to best keep their love meter on high, so they can in turn
keep yours filled as well. If you are low on cash for this one, you can find
creative ways to make gifts out of what you already have around you. The effort
should be welcomed regardless of what you actually came up with to give. It is
the thought that counts. One Christmas I gave my whole family colored bits of
paper I folded into empty boxes that I filled with love for each of them. None
were disappointed that year, there is a lot of love to give. It was so well
received I even got a love filled paper box from all of them too!
What language works for me?
Some
people show love by doing the dishes for their partner. Others shower them with
compliments or gifts. Some just like to be near you for while, or just plain
talk. The rest of us would rather hold hands or hug to show we care. We tend to
show the love language that we would like to have shown to us, but there are
also plenty of other people who would rather give one way and receive another,
which may be confusing to us. This is not as easy to figure out, so I suggest
you have a long talk with your partner about trends.
Where can I go for reliable help?
If
you are interested, there are tests you can take online to help you figure out
what your love language preferences are.
If you'd rather not do your own 'Google' search, try one of these:
With
Love,
Violet Sky
September 2012Check this out if you liked this information click: How To Have A Relationship That Is Over The Top (view mobile)
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